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Mac’s Moments – Annoying Husbands



Valentine’s Day this week guided two old married people into reminiscing of days of yore. 1997 saw us moving from our old hometown to our new hometown. Unbeknownst to me, there is a cosmic law stating newlyweds may never reuse the old shower curtain in a new apartment. Tammy voluntold me to go to the department store with her.


We found many options to choose from and Tammy was deciding between two when she asked me my opinion. “I like the opaque one,” a sly smile crossed my face.


“Why?” was her unsuspecting answer.


“It makes it easier to sneak up on you while showering,” was my smirking reply.


Unknown sweet voice near the towels, “Why do husbands do this?” in an exacerbated tone come from the short blond girl.


This is a question I pondered for many years although the question morphed into why do husbands annoy their wives?


My answer after thirty years of annoying my wife is not scientific, nor does it carry any other weight than my opinion. There is a certain beauty when my bride reaches riled up state. Her face gathers a distinct shade of red as the frustration builds. This added color gives a glow to her personality. It is an irresistible temptation to seek beauty and fun from my spouse. I found that there are rules to riling your wife or face devastating consequences.


Rule 1. There is a time and place for annoying your bride. A husband must learn the prerequisites of proper annoying or she may just kill you. I have seen “The Look” from my wife that tells me she knows how deep the hole needs to be for the authorities to never find my body.


Rule 2. Limit the annoyance to the situation. There is a fine line between sweetly riled up and sleeping on the couch for the night. Depending on rule one, that line can be very fragile and easily broken. Every husband has faced the time they were playfully pestering their wife, and all of a sudden cowering in the corner stuttering, “What, what did I do?” Are they asking the wife this question, maybe? More likely, it is an introspective question trying to figure out where they went wrong.


Rule 3. Always make it up to your wife. This starts with a hug and the words, “I Love you.” Then present her gift of her love language. When all else fails, buy her flowers, chocolate, or her favorite tangible gift. With me, I prepare her favorite meal. I found cooking something special for her covers all my annoyances along with an assortments of other sins.


Rule 4. This is the most important rule, always annoy your wife out of love for her. Never pester her in anger, frustration, or malice. It is the loving sneak into the bathroom to playfully disturb her while showering that brings out the best in her. A loving swat on the behind reveals a smile across her face.


This is the spice of life that gives a marriage a zip in an otherwise stressful time. Every wife can only tolerate a specific amount of heat before they explode upon their annoying husband releasing a fire to burn his soul.


At is a good place to learn more about me and my books. I finished compiling Short Stories from My Dreams. This is my next book due out later this year.


God bless,

Danny Mac

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