I killed a good man’s love!

Where relationships die

Kevin stared at the report to improve his newest client's business. The perfect wording to describe his findings eluded him in the moment. His eyes moved off the monitor and out the front window of his home office. Her red hair glimmered under the impending storm clouds. His heart instantly filled with hope and pain.

Clarice anxiously studied the house, wondering if she should take the next step to knock or walk away. Her life was shattered last November after spending the night with Kevin for the first time. She shook her head, turned left, and walked away.

From his window, her baby bump loomed large compared to the slender body floating around in the memory of his mind. The thought of her being pregnant froze him in the ergonomic chair. Seeing her walk away, he then spun around and ran downstairs. He paused for only a second to slip into his clogs before running from his house. The sidewalk view revealed nothing of her whereabouts.

He raced to the corner only to find no trace of the woman who filled his heart. He stood alone on the corner with his head flipping back and forth, looking for any trace of the woman who got away.

A raindrop splattered on his hoodie. He looked down as it soaked coldly through the light fabric. It was a great frosty drop of rain from the highest reaches of the sky, chilling him to the bone. A shiver ran down his back as other large drops began pelting the ground around him. He watched each drop splatter, leaving shiny black spots of wetness on the asphalt.

A distant rumble of thunder opened the skies, and the rain poured down on him. Not feeling the cold, his mind asked, “Why did she leave?”

“Beep!” screamed from behind him. His head jerked around toward the sound to see Clarice behind the wheel, waving at him to get into the car. He escaped the rain and sat in the passenger seat without a word.

The cold of the moment froze both of them into silence. Large raindrops drummed on the roof, directing an uneven rhythm to the emotions in the car. The frigid silence filled the car as the two watched the wipers fail to keep the windshield clear.

The whole world flashed bright. While their eyes blinked from the flash, a thunderous crack woke them from the unspoken tension. Kevin reached out to the dashboard to steady the car, or maybe himself. He took a deep breath through his nose and then asked, “Why did you leave?”

“I had to get away,” was Clarice’s unsatisfying abbreviated answer.

“Are you pregnant?” flatly came out next.

“Yes,” was her limited response.

“Is it mine?” he felt his heart breaking again.

“It is yours!” she said defiantly. “How could you think it was anyone else’s?”

“You left me in the middle of the night. You left no note, no reason, and no clue as to why. There are only two reasons why you would leave. Either someone forced you to go, or you found another man better than me.”

“You have another girlfriend,” she almost cries.

“No, that is not an option. I never considered that because it was beyond any possibility.”

“Who is Sheryl?” she asked, holding back the tears.

“I dated her in high school, and a year after, before she left me for a better man, as she said it.” He said it out loud without it hurting for the first time.

“Are you seeing her again?” Her eyes swelled with pent-up tears.

Kevin shook his head in disgust before he said, “Never again! It took me six years to get over the pain she caused, leaving me with those cold words.”

“Why did you call out her name in your sleep. You sounded happy. No, joyful calling her out.”

Kevin’s mind replayed that last day for the thousandth time. He recalled the last night with her and the decision he made before he explained, “I had a dream the night you left. Cheryl was there as usual. She had been there for the six previous years. As usual, she was burning me with those final words. You appeared in the dream, and those words lost some of their sting. Then you held my hand, and the pain left me completely. Cheryl turned into a massive dragon and started spitting fireballs at me. You held me tighter. Not only did the fireballs not hurt me, but they also failed to reach me. I shouted back at her that she could not hurt me anymore, for I found my true love.”

The tears started rolling down his face as he said, “Then I woke up and stared at the blank ceiling as if it held the answers to the universe. I knew you were the one for me. I planned to ask you to marry me on New Year’s Day.”

Kevin wiped his eyes with his shirt sleeve, “Morning broke through the window and woke me. You were gone. I smiled at first, figuring you went after donuts or pastries. Maybe you would bring back our favorite almond coffee. The morning continued without you. I called you only to get dead air, since you blocked me. At lunch time, I called your Mom and friends. No one knew where you were. Although your Mom assured me you were alright. Every day seemed more empty than the last. New Year’s Day found me getting drunk to ease the pain in my heart. You had the nerve to show up wanting to talk, but I was too far gone.”

“I’ve never seen you drunk before. Why were you drinking? You called me an awful name before you chased me out of your house.” Her face turned cold at the memory.

“That last night, lying awake staring at the ceiling, I pictured inviting your Mom and Dad for lunch on New Year’s Day. Pork and sauerkraut were his favorite to start the new year off. In a quiet moment, I’d ask your Dad for your hand. Then I pictured myself on one knee asking you to marry me. I’d pull the ring out of my pocket, and you would say yes. I drifted back to sleep with more hope and joy than I ever felt before. Seeing you again on the day we were to start a life together, only opened old wounds in my alcohol-flushed heart, and all the pain came back.”

Kevin looked up at Clarice to see her face red, and her eyes releasing a day’s worth of tears in just a few moments. The car went silent, even the rain respected the moment and stopped. Only soft sniffles and slight choking sounds broke the quietness.

He watched the tears roll down her cheeks for what seemed an hour, but only a minute passed before he sniveled, “You know if you had called me after a week, we could have worked through this. Even after a month, I could see us getting back together, but you hurt me badly.”

“I do love you. I have always loved you,” broke through her choking.

Kevin shook his head, “That hurts more knowing you loved me and still left. Cheryl made it clear she didn’t love me and left. You claimed to love me. You even broke your promise of chastity to spend the night with me. Our passion for each other broke all logical thinking we had, and we made love that night. I went to sleep thinking this was forever, only for you to break it before the first morning’s light. There must be something seriously wrong with me that even a woman who claims to love me leaves me.”

Now the tears poured down his face as he continued, “I never thought of marriage with Cheryl. Clarice, I saw us getting married, having many kids, and growing old together. It took me six years and you to take her pain away. I don’t know if I can recover from a love deeper and stronger than anything I had with Cheryl.”

“Is there anything I can do to make it right?” she asked with false hope in her voice.

“November 11 to May 11 is a long time. The first month, I desperately hoped to hear from you. The second brought anger because you would not return any contacts sent through your friends and mother. In the third and fourth months, my heart grieved for the loss. I spent the last two months trying to move on with my life. I struggled to keep myself and my business alive. You come to me after six months of complete silence, hoping to rekindle something you burned down six months ago.”

Kevin gulped down a mouthful of agony, “It hurts too bad ever to try again.”

His hand reached for the door latch. He climbed out of her car and walked away robotically. Clarice knew from his posture and lethargic gate that he was a broken man. She tried to compose herself by taking a couple of deep breaths, believing all the tears were gone.

A rap on the window jolted her back to reality. An officer signaled for her to roll down the window. “Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Yes,” came shakily out of her.

“Did he hurt you, ma'am?” seeing her red, swollen face from crying, and Kevin walking away.

“No, I hurt him. I hurt him very badly.”

“Did you hit him?” was his probing question.

“Worse, I tore his heart out, stomped it, and left a mangled life he needs to repair.”

The officer blinked at her words and commanded, “I need you to pull up to a parking spot. You are blocking the entrance. It could cause an accident.”

She put the car in drive, but couldn’t see because the water blinded her. The wipers were scraping a dry windshield, and she realized more tears were coming. The officer walked alongside her car as it slowly moved forward through the water works. It was out of the way but not in a parking spot when he said softly, “That’s good, you are out of danger.”

She blurted out, “I killed a good man’s love!” The tears flowed again.