My Dog is a Karen – No Bananas for You

Hello everyone,

Our usual mornings begin with my wife rising first. Ginger grumbles as she walks by her and then jumps up on the bed to harass me. “If I can’t sleep in, neither may you,” is her mantra while nudging me. Mom comes out of the bathroom and calls for her fur baby to follow.

I do my morning stretches and then dig my old bones out of bed. A quick trip to the bathroom and downstairs I go. By then the dog is fed, tea water rattles as it warms, and my bride of twenty-eight years has my medicine on the counter to remind me to take it. Once the water starts to whistle from the pot, one of us pours the water to start the morning caffeinated.

I check messages on the computer while letting my tea steep. Wife grumbles back upstairs to drink her tea while still hot. After ten minutes, I start breakfast by warming the sausage and egg pans while listening to RedWheel Reddit stories. The quiet of the morning changes when Noisy and Nosy start back down the steps.

Noisy, my beloved wife starts with a sing-song voice before she leaves the bedroom. It is my responsibility to hear everything she says and respond as if she has my full attention so pause the video. “Your tea is getting cold,” said every morning. Meanwhile Nosy, our four-legged child, starts sniffing all around the stove for any molecules of food that might have fallen. My wife pulls a bowl from the cupboard and prepares her cereal. This includes half of a banana to keep her potassium levels high. There is always a little piece of banana to spoil the dog.

A week ago, we ran out of bananas and my wife foregoes her kick of potassium. Ginger looking up at mom with the big sad eyes of a dog that hasn’t had a bite to eat in over a month breaks her heart. “Oh, I am sooo sorry, no banana today,” as she turns to go back upstairs.

Then Ginger looks at me as I prepare my eggs and sausage with the same melancholy stare of hunger. “You know I don’t share,” smartly come out of my mouth. Like any Karen you read about, the attitude burst out at me like a sudden summer storm. “Grrrrrnnnn,” comes from under her breath and she walks away. She proceeds to give me the cold shoulder the rest of the morning. An hour later, I try petting her, only to see our resident Karen turn away and grumble some more at me like it is my fault she didn’t get her well-deserved banana.

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God bless,

Danny Mac