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My Dog is a Karen – New Year, Old Problems

Happy New Year everyone,

Christmas arrived with great joy to celebrate the birth of our lord. My wife decorated the living room, dining room, and kitchen with festive colors and arrangements. This included moving furniture in the living room to accommodate the tree. We left the reminders of Emanuel until the Wednesday after New Year’s Day. The tedious process of carefully packaging every ornament, décor, and figurine flowed into Thursday.

Friday finds her staring at the living room trying to picture the room and the best fit of the furniture. Naturally, she calls me for advice. “Why can’t we put it back like it was?” brings on the wife's glare sinking into my bones. I don’t understand why it has to be different, but it does. The wife code dictates the living room must appear different after the holidays. Now experiencing our twenty-ninth Christmas together, I should know this.

I struggle to appreciate this concept but now know after a lifetime of Bible study, nowhere does it state a husband to understand his wife. We are to love our wives as Jesus loves the Church. So, I help her rearrange the living room to her exact taste. The arrangement of the living room takes up most of the afternoon and involves our daughter because dad’s taste in decorating cannot be trusted.

This year the smaller couch moves to the south wall and the larger to the west wall leaving the front wall with an open view out the window. The two armchairs and a coffee table create a barrier on the east to form a foyer behind them. The two red chairs rest where the smaller couch sat for the past year and the larger couch the year before. It looks good and I compliment my wife on her ability to decorate.

However, no one acquires Ginger’s endorsement of the new-look living room and this creates problems that only a karen can solve. For the past couple of years, Ginger snoozes herself on the east side of the living room on couches that have protective covers to keep her claws from scratching the fabric and collecting the dog hair that sticks to everything but the dog. The two red chairs have no such protection and we place throw pillows to keep her off them.

A karen wants what a karen wants and acts according to her wants. As the house quiets in the evening, Ginger knocks the pillows off the chair and curls up for a nap. A deep Feng Shui urge presses upon her the need to sleep on the east side of the living room despite the comfy couches on the other walls. When I spy her transgression, I tell mom and she marches downstairs to sternly scold the disobedient child to move. For my troubles, Ginger awards me a scornful stare and disparaging grumble under her breath.

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God bless,

Danny Mac

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