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My Dog is a Karen – Furry Cold Shoulder

Happy New Year everyone,

This past week saw our new neighbors settling into their forever home. A multitude of moving vans, installation trucks, and family helping them ebbed and flowed throughout the week. Ginger with her nerves shot from the Christmas season remained on high alert with one ear constantly seeking noises from outside.

Wednesday saw several trucks pulling into the neighbor’s drive and many people walking around their house. This triggers a karen rant and Ginger howls her bitterness towards this perceived injustice to her being. Additionally, the third day of January brought us partly cloudy skies and near sixty degrees, a rarity in any winter on the north coast of Ohio.

To Ginger, all the stars aligned for the perfect storm of karen as she persisted in going out to bark her demands at the neighbors. As I tried to wrangle her back into the house, the new neighbor came over to make peace with Ginger. She rejected his attempts of reconciliation and pressed harder on the karen mode to scream her indignation to his face. Five minutes back in the house and knowing these intruders were still mocking her by working around their house, sent her to her door wanting out again.

“Not one single bark or I will bring you back into the house,” I commanded before releasing her to the outdoors. It took all of four wet paws before, “Aaarrroooo” screeches from her mouth. I slip into my slippers to retrieve her with a wave to the neighbors.

Five minutes later, she pings the bell to exit the house again. I fit my feet into the slippers before hooking her up and letting her out. This time, only two paws get wet before the howls in indignation resonate from her fifty-pound body. As the leash stretches completely out, I am dragging her back into the house.

Five minutes later, karen howls out the front window as another car pulls into the neighbor’s drive. A terror races down the steps and clangs the bell to go out to release her rage at the interlopers interrupting my writing again. “No, get your furry butt upstairs. Keep going, all the way to your room. Go to your room.” As she drags her defeated self into the bedroom. She reverses and peaks back down the stairs only to see me still pointing for her not to come down.

An hour passes and she rings the bell again. Opening the door, she barges through only to see no cars, trucks, or vans anywhere to be seen. Still ruffing with insolence, she does her business. She spends twenty minutes waiting for their return. In the end, she skulks back into the house disappointed not letting her rage out.

Just before making dinner, I go to pet her head while sleeping on the couch, “Grooooooan,” comes from deep in her body. Clearly translated, “Don’t bother me.”

I took away her ability to karen all over the neighbors and the rest of the day I received the cold furry shoulder.

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God bless,

Danny Mac

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