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Karen Protects Her Hair

Updated: Sep 15, 2022

Hello everyone,

I recently heard the definition of home is where dog hair sticks to everything, but the dog. This describes our home perfectly.

We spend Tuesday preparing for the Small Group to come over to our house. This brings from four to eight people on any given Tuesday. I like making a crockpot recipe for its simplicity and ease of serving. After the family messes the kitchen with lunch, I complete a deep clean to make it presentable for guests. This includes a comprehensive sweep of the floors towards five o’clock.

I pull out chairs and move furniture the broom doesn’t fit under. I always find little pieces of paper, dust, debris, and about half a dog of strawberry blond hair. This hair is the fine undercoat hair that keeps the dog insulted against excessive cold or heat. It also makes a great PIA as it sticks to the bristles of the broom causing me to stop several times and clean the broom. My wife vacuums the carpet in the living room, the stairs, and the lower family room. She collects the other half of the dog in the see-through container.

Did you know my dog is a Karen? No, she is not a Karen for getting hair all over the house. She is a Karen because she doesn’t like us cleaning it up. She chases the vacuum all over the house growling and barking at it. When mom pulls the nozzle out of the vacuum to clean the steps, she tries biting it because we are not allowed to do this in her Karen mind.

I have it somewhat easier because she isn’t vocal about me sweeping her hair. However, I do get the disappointing stares, the disgruntled smirks, and disapproving nods as the pile gains in stature as I progress across the floor. Then comes the time to sweep the mountain of hair into the dustpan and it is akin to telling her she is adopted, she stinks and needs a bath, and don’t look out the patio doors to bark at the neighbor’s dogs, all combined into one sad face.

I often wonder, if we gathered all this hair into a pile and place it on a spinning wheel, could we make a thread for making clothes? Perhaps we could sew it into a sweater, and sell it on Etsy. For sale, is one genuine Ginger shirt made from the finest Karen hair. You know, it might just work. But then again, Karen would demand at least half the profits.

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God bless,

Danny Mac

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